The sky is always grey recently, a cloudy-rainy weather now becoming my new companion, watching above me as the time keep ticking, faster. I never thought life is changing so quickly, stricking like a thunder, flipping each of those hearts, turning someone who we used to know into someone else we never ever know. And as my skin is getting ticker and ticker, I've learned that this season is just a cycle of our life, and that's basically how all of our relationship would go as our season of life is changing. People do build bridges, people do write every pages in their life, but people also burned some of those bridges, burned some of those pages, at the same time.
As I get older and (hopefully) wiser, I began to realize human will always changed their priority overtime, because we always do, right? From family, to friends, lover, work, you name it. It's natural. But I can't lie to myself that I've been down sometimes along this journey, grieving, hurting, drowning because I had to let people go. Thinking you know people very well doesn't give you any guarantee that you know everything about them―not even a single percent, 'cause human is complex, and it always been.
Looking back at all the things that happened since 2021, I lowkey learned that letting go isn't always a bad thing (yep). I bravely left a job that was not aligned with my vision, I let myself go from toxic people and environment, I letting go those people I thought I was knew they was my closest friends. It never easy, but I let them go because somehow it shapes me and makes room for new beginnings. We aren't less than for changing course and finding a new path. In a world that celebrates "sticking it out" (even when we're miserable), we can find ourselves confused and misaligned from our truth, joy, and peace of mind. Ok you're right, it's hard to let things, people, places, and habits go—but it's also illuminating to see what needs to be released for us to receive, right?
One day I walked through the sidewalk in Sudirman street, in the middle of rain with my thoughts going somewhere else, and after a series of overthinking sessions, I was able to realized one thing: Somehow sometimes we have to accept the fact that we can't always finish what we start—and it's okay if we don't want to. We can be grateful for a season and (also) be glad that it's over. Life isn't always black or white. Sometimes it's gray. I'm learning to accept and find gratitude in that. There's a lot of self-awareness to be gained as we make decisions to put things down that do not align with who we are today.
I talked to my best friends afterwards (like I always do), telling them all those mess I've been through, and they simply reminds me to open my eyes once again, to see the bigger picture over all these bullshits. They also reminds me to release what needs to be released. Reminds me that I don't have to struggle through things just because of the time invested. Letting go allows us all the room and opportunity to start over and find what works and what does not, what nourishes and what drains, what heals us and what harms us. Something that I hold close as I grow, change, and heal is that I rather part ways and trust my reroute than stay stuck going in circles.
One day I wonder why I try so hard to continue grow mapple trees in Sahara dessert. You know that's unhealthy. So I quit, I chose to leave, as far as my feed can go.
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| my fav spot back in 2020. Surabaya bridge. |
Surabaya,
Sat, 26 Nov 2022.
Sat, 26 Nov 2022.
